Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
