yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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