Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
only you would photoshop your dick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
did i just pee glitter
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
