Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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