I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
