i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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