I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
