Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
