Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize