wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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