So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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