Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
