If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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