so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
