I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
