Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
