Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
