It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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