dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
