Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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