i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
