I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
