So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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