I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
