Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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