Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
