Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How's work?
Spinning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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