Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
