i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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