Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
