dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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