It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
