I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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