You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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