i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize