my vag is so smooth its legendary
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont even know how to be here
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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