god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
