Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
