Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
