The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
