I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there was a trapeze. enough said
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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