Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
