Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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