i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
