I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize