In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
