"it" just moved
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
