it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
