i don't like sucking hair
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Randomize
