nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
