Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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