I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
