There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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