Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someone shit on the floor
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize