This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
