No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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