Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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