no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
