When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
