There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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