For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
