omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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