I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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