Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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