I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
