I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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