My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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