Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
