just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
