If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
