After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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